The Post-Apocalyptic World Sucks Balls

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“Sweet, I can’t wait until the SHTF and America is just like this Mumbai slum” – Said no one who has actually been to a Slum in Mumbai Question: If you really want to live in the post-apocalyptic world then why don’t you just move to Pakistan?

Answer: Cuz It sucks balls there.

With 5000 “friends” on Facebook I see all sorts of “tough guy” nonsense flash across my news feed every day. Lately I've been seeing this “would you survive the post-apocalyptic world?” Q&A tests where you answer some mind-numbing multiple choice questions and, BAM, you can proclaim that you and Robert Neville will rule the wastelands.

This is of course followed by “Fuck Yeah bro, I’ll be shooting and looting in the post-apocalyptic world. It’s gonna’ be awesome” by whoever took this test. Next comes a legion of other people also saying something to the effect of “I can’t wait for this to happen” to “it is only a matter of time before it collapses and it can’t come sooner” in the comments below.

Now obviously this is just internet bravado that has spilled over from forums to Facebook, but there are quite a large amount of people in the tactical/prepper community that honestly believe there would be nothing better than to have the SHTF and the US plunge to some sort of Mad Max style post- apocalyptic wasteland. In fact, I am sure many of them are reading this right now as they relax during their post refractory period after jacking-it to Night of the Living Dead.

Well, if you want to live in the post-apocalyptic world it is only a plane ticket away folks. Pick any shitty 3rd world country where the “President” wears Ray-Bans and pack your bags. Besides being born in a post-war impoverished (at that time) 3rd world country, I just spent the past decade living and working in the post-apocalyptic world in places like Iraq and a dozen other impoverished countries.

And guess what folks? It is not nice.

All the stuff you see in your favorite post-apocalyptic movies is going on right now as you read this article – gang rapes, militias run by psychos who used to repair fax machines before the war, 3 day police response (but you would never call them anyway because they will also rob you), no food, no clean water, no medicine, no job, dally raids by hordes of bandits and people trading cat blubber for 10 minutes of electricity so they can charge their iPod.

And this is not even including coming home to find out that some guy in the next village over blew up your house for the 8th time because your father's, cousin's, sister's, uncle's, niece's husband killed his cousin's, sister's, uncle's, 2nd cousins-brother-in-law in 1936. But don’t worry, your wife and daughter didn't get killed. He sold them to another village for two boxes of 9mm.

Do you still feel like packing your family up and heading to Angola so you can live in the post-apocalyptic world?

So as exciting as it sounds to drive a dune buggy wearing football shoulder pads with a bleach-blond gal wearing a leather thong hanging off the side shooting people with a crossbow through the remains of your town, in practice there are a lot of downsides. Just ask the average Joe in Mogadishu, no, not that guy, the fella with one arm because he sneezed while General, President, Dr., Prime Minister, Supreme Ruler “Mad Dog” Mobuto was giving a speech and it was macheted off as a punishment for interrupting.

After working in Iraq and other war torn 3rd world countries and seeing what a miserable hell hole the post-apocalyptic world is, all I can do is let out a big old sigh every time I hear someone says they wish the apocalypse would happen. Quite frankly here in America I thank Ronald McDonald every time I drink a clean bottle of water I bought at Walmart and come home to a house that has not been burned down by marauders.

Why the hell would anyone subject themselves, no less hope and pray that someday, they will live in the post- apocalyptic world when hot pizza is a phone call away and you can spend Sundays hitting on the single moms at Starbucks instead?

Wait… I just got an email for a gig that pays $18,500.00 a month to live in Afghanistan and run security convoys.

Never mind, forget everything I just said.

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~James "ARCHER" Price

Founder – Editor in Chief DVM

James P. is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in Southeast Asia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and selling out to the highest bidder.

TACTICAL COMMENTARY: Infidel Shirts Are Fucking Stupid

INF-DORK
INF-DORK

Operators totally wear Infidel Shirts

Ever since we started dropping bombs, kicking ass, and taking names in Afghanistan and Iraq, I started seeing all these infidel shirts, hats and other stupid infidel branded shit popping up for sale online. Generally I file gay tactical stuff like this under the “Multicam” category in my brain and go on with my day.

But lately there has been an explosion in Infidel branded crap being peddled on every corner of the internet. I figure it is only a matter of time before people start making Dog Sweaters with “infidel” written on the back so they can look like “operators” while walking their dog in the park.

The first thing that makes these shirts stupid is the fact that the term “infidel” is an insult. Someone wearing an Infidel shirt is the equivalent of someone wearing a shirt that says “Les américains sont des Idiots” in French [Americans are Idiots] or a shirt that just says “Fuck Christianity.”

Yes people, the term “Infidel” is an insult, so it just doesn’t make any sense at all to wear a shirt that basically says “I am a piece of shit unbeliever of any religion or belief.”

Now the justification some folks use for wearing Infidel Shirts is “We are taking the word Infidel back as a way to insult the insulters” [something like “nanny, nanny boo-boo stick your head in doo-doo” or some other intelligent reason].

Sure I agree - fuck the folks that call us Infidels, but at the same time why would you want to toss everyone in the Middle East in the same asshole basket.

Infidel-Shirt
Infidel-Shirt

mmmm… Should I wear my super tight Infidel or Affliction shirt to the grocery store today?

Something like 90% of the Security Contractors on my team are Iraqis, most of these guys have been working with and helping the US from as far back as 2003. Countless other Iraqis and Afghan allies  have giver their lives protecting US personnel, cargo, and bases, as Civilian Security Contractors.

That is probably why I have never seen any actual Operators wear an Infidel shirt and I have sure as hell never seen anyone wear one here in theater [you know a shirt is gay if even a FOBBIT wouldn’t wear one]. I honestly really don’t know anyone who even owns one. I guess maybe they are popular to wear at gun ranges in the States so you look like a tough guy or something.

So basically wearing an Infidel Shirt screams “I have never pulled a trigger in the Middle East.” They are not quite as douchebag as wearing 5.11’s and a tight ass Affliction shirt to Starbucks, but they still scream “I am a Wannabe Operator.”

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~James G Founder - Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and Buying T-Shirts that Actually Fit.

TACTICAL COMMENTARY: When You Say “Velcro is Too Loud” You Sound Like an Idiot

You Are Not a Navy SEAL Sneaking up on Someone, so When You Say “Velcro is Too Loud” You Sound Like an Idiot

Nerd
Nerd

So I was showing this guy here in Iraq one of the Zulu M-4 Mag Pouches I have and the first thing he said was “the Velcro is too loud, people will hear you use it” or something to that effect.

I was like “dude, you are a medic on a Helicopter, seriously?” - but he would not consider buying that pouch because in his mind it would somehow tip-off his location to the Ninjas or whatever he would be sneaking up on [presumably after already blasting off 30 rounds and jumping off a helicopter].

Normally this would not have stuck in my mind but like 3 days before another guy said he didn’t like one of my knives because it had a stainless blade that “would be too visible in the dark”. He is a blond guy who runs down the roads in Iraq in a 30 truck convoy in huge pick-up trucks with his PMC’s name written down the side. I was like “sure dude, they will never see you coming if you got a blacked-out blade”

This is a common affliction affecting many people in the tactical community going back as long as I can remember. It is sort of the same thing as guys who carry 148 rounds of ammo and 3 pistols everyday “just in case they have to get it on in on some sort of epic gun-battle at Starbucks where they burn through 5 mags.

When I hear people discounting a solid product because of a reason like noise or someone seeing their knife it just makes me shake my head. Especially when the kit and person will never be in a situation where any of their concerns would be valid.

So my fellow tactical enthusiasts don’t be a Tacticalous Douchebagnus and I promise after you light off 30 rounds from your M-4 it won’t matter if your mag pouch makes a little noise when you open it.

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~James G Founder - Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long; he has traveled to over 50 countries chasing fortune and glory. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and Sneaking up on people. James G. on FACEBOOK

TACTICAL GEAR: If I Hear One More Person Talk About How F-ING Great MultiCam is

It seems like every other day I see a mil or tactical blog talking about how awesome MultiCam is. I swear I will smash a baby seal in the head with a baseball bat if I read “the Army is adopting MultiCam”, “Rangers use MultiCam” or “I want to suck-off MultiCam” again.