CIVILIAN CONTRACTORS: The “Run to Mommy” Contractor Douchebag


The “Run to Mommy” Contractor Douchebag is one of the most pitiful breeds of the Contractorous Douchebagnus. This is a full grown man who despite working in a “tough guy” job as a security contractor in war zones acts like a hurt little puppy whenever someone is “rude” to him.

Just last week I had to run over and talk to one of the Team Leaders [let’s call him “Mr. Vag”] working on another camp about an upcoming mission. As soon as I walked into his hooch I knew he was one of the breeds of the Contractorous Douchebagnus just by the 13 water bottles of Copenhagen spit and dumbbells on his floor.

All I wanted to do was ask him a simple question and he immediately comes at me like I just called his whore mom a whore. If this happened back in the states I would have just walked away but one of the silly things about contracting is if you don’t bite back when someone pushes you it is somehow a sign of weakness.

Anyway, I basically had to jump on his shit and put him in his place. And like all bullies as soon as I pushed back he acted all apologetic and shit like "I" misunderstood him. So after wasting 15 minutes of my time passing on a message that should have taken 3 minutes I wandered back to my team room.

And less than 30 minutes later I got a call to come and see one of the PM’s [contract project managers]. Honestly I didn’t have any idea what it was about, but I did think it was strange because this particular PM really has nothing to do with my team.

So I scuttled over to this PM’s office and before I was even half-way in his door he starts going into a rant about how I should “respect other TL’s” and “act like a professional”.


Apparently Mr. Vag was so hurt by my standing up for myself he called this PM to complain that I hurt his feelings or something. So now I was looking like some sort of bully who barks at people for no reason.

Now if I was the ass-hole in this situation it wouldn’t have annoyed me so much, but considering that the other guy was the Douchebag here I was fucking furious. Luckily this particular PM was an Old School shooter and looter from back in the day so when I gave him the low-down he figured out what was really going on.

So there was another 30 minutes of my life that I will never get back, all because another grown ass man was too much of a wuss-bag to come and talk to me face-to-face when I hurt his feelings.

Back in the beginning days of contracting in Iraq you really didn’t run into too many of the “Run to Mommy” Contractorous Douchebagnus types because during this time most guys were just happy to be making a grand a day or they didn’t want to get left behind by their team if their Suburban got blasted.

But now because of the reduced salaries combined with the self entitled attitude of some of the older contractors along with all of the new green guys entering the business the “Run to Mommy” Contractor Douchebags are popping-up like rats.

These champs are pretty much what would happen if the hall monitor in grade school and a 12 year old girl had a kid who grew up and started injecting steroids because it “would make girls like him if he was buff”.

I mean come on, a grown man who tattle-tales on people

Really? – Like that?


~James G Founder - Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long; he has traveled to over 50 countries chasing fortune and glory. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and Plotting his revenge. James G. on FACEBOOK