URBAN SURVIVAL: Buying Gold is Only for Mr-T and Warren Buffett

gold-girl
gold-girl

Not a week goes by without someone sending me an email asking my opinion on buying Gold as an investment for the “impending 3rd world like economic collapse in the US” or various other financial scenarios.

I still can’t figure out why I have somehow become this bastion of financial advice on investing that all my friends go to when they are deciding on making some off-the-wall financial move.

I think it is a combination of the fact I have always had a job (a rare trait amongst my buddies), read allot of books (and even rarer trait amongst my buds) and in their minds my being an international contractor means I must be rolling in mountains of coin that I invest in exotic and shady ventures like the international Gorilla Hand Ashtray trade (in reality I blow it all on Booze, Easy Women and Bacon Cheeseburgers).

Generally the tinfoil-hat talk about the U.S. becoming a 3rd world wasteland like Somalia makes me immediately delete said message (anyone who thinks the U.S. could ever turn into a 3rd world like hell-hole has obviously never been to a 3rd world hell-hole) - but one of my buddies sent me the rare rational question about gold as an investment.

The Following is my response, unedited:

Dear Crazy Friend:

Dude, I have been seeing this “Buy Gold” thing from as far back as when I was a kid reading about the need to buy gold when the Russians invade the U.S.A in my favorite 80's rag The American Survival Guide.

It seems like every survival magazine (and even some mainstream financial publications), so-called survival bloggers or gurus start spouting off about buying Gold like it is a new idea or something whenever some sort of unlikely collapse is supposedly on the horizon (yet never happens) from as far back as the Cold War.

Historically speaking Gold prices have been dead flat during good economic times (like when everyone has a job) and spikes when the economy in the 1st world hits the crapper as a whole (when you get laid off of your job).

And therein lays the fundamental problem with buying Gold as an investment.

To make money from the rise (or expected rise) in gold prices you more or less have to wait until the economy is falling off a cliff (and you are suffering financially) to make gold a profitable investment.

So when gold becomes a good investment - you won’t have the money to buy any anyway.

goldmember
goldmember

1.) People who are already millionaires/billionaires – because they are the only people in the world who have enough cold hard cash stuffed under their beds during an economic downturn to buy the large quantities of precious metals to actually make a substantial return that one can use for financial self reliance (IE: pay the rent over a prolonged period).

2.) People who are selling you fear, IE: survival gurus, financial advisers, commercial media enterprises and people who sell gold. Basically people who want to scare you under the guise of helping you survive through hard times when all they are really doing is selling you shit and laughing all the way to their vacation home in the Cayman Islands.

3.) Pirates

Also ask yourself this:

How many working-class folks like us do you know who are living off of the capital gains from their gold and precious metals investment portfolio?

Unless you have some buddy’s at the country club who have last names like Rockefeller or Gates that I don't know about, I am guessing exactly zero.

So dude, if you really want to square away yourself financially for the impending zombie alien plague then drop down to the basic cable package, quit smoking, stop buying 30 DVD’s every month, pay down that 28.9% interest credit card and dump your girlfriend (that advice has nothing to do with money, I just hate fat people and your self-righteous smug liberal girlfriend)

Your Buddy,

~James "Mother-Fucking" G.

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~James G Founder - Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long; he has traveled to over 50 countries chasing fortune and glory. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and selling off his Krugerrands for beer money. James G. on FACEBOOK