MILITARY: Angry Chow Hall Sergeants

angry
angry

If you have ever been deployed to the Middle East you are probably familiar with the angry Sergeant found in every Chow Hall in-country. This winner is also known as the “Chow Hall Sergeant Ass-Hole” Militarous Douchebagnus.

This Mr. Angry, tough guy, FOBBIT Douchebag is easily recognized as he will be only military guy standing still (oddly almost at parade rest) either at the front of the chow hall starring down everyone in line or in the rear making sure that no-one dares take more than 2 sodas out.

This guy is probably one of the angriest people on a FOB – He is incapable of doing simple civilized human things like being polite to people (but he will run behind a general waiting to catch a turd) or saying hello back to someone (the Angry Chow Hall Sergeant is the master of the “Angry Chin Nod” hello response).

The reason for his anger is unknown, perhaps it is the fact he scored a 22 on his ASVAB, or possibly because he was given this valiant duty after getting his 3rd DUI.

When not in the Chow Hall you can find this warrior in the gym getting pumped-up and doing body shots of mussel milk off of another FOBBIT (while still maintaining the “I am angry” look)

The “Chow Hall Sergeant also has a secondary duty between harassing soldiers who just came in from combat in the Red Zone (for extremely important things like taking more than one to-go box) and rudely bossing TCN’s around.

What is this Combat Action Badge worthy duty you ask?

Printing up poorly written signs and posting dozens of them all around the chow hall with important rules like “Do NOT change the channel on the TV!” and other life saving pieces of information.

Apparently CAPITAL LETTERS, Bold, Explanation Marks are mandatory for any sign in the Chow Hall.

Somehow the Chow Hall Sergeant manages to do all the above while still having enough time to spot people taking more than 2 packs of pop-tarts and conveniently spotting and correcting every “Chow Hall law” broken by an attractive woman (how else would he get women to pay attention to him?).

So watch your 6 in the DFAC folks and don’t even think about putting your sunglasses on your fucking head, the Chow Hall Sergeant is watching – Mr. Angry is his name and food is his game.

Get Some! Arrrrrg!

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~James G Founder - Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long; he has traveled to over 50 countries chasing fortune and glory. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns, writing poorly written articles and stuffing his 5.11’s with 5 Rip-It’s wile looking out for the Chow Hall Sergeant.