OLD SCHOOL MAN: Motorcycles, The Old School Man Way

brando
brando

"Helmets are for pussys" ~Brando

Besides owing a Forest Green Mustang and a Gas guzzling SUV all Old School Men own a Motorcycle. In fact, it is hard to think about the classic Old School Man without thinking about motorcycles.

James Dean, Peter Fonda, Marlon Brando and Steve McQueen… hell, even Indiana Jones knew how to ride and he isn't even a real person. And they didn’t ride a motorcycle because it was trendy or they wanted attention. The Old School Man rode a bike because he loved the feeling of freedom that riding a bike gave him.

But like all aspects of being an Old School Man you have to be careful with the way you present yourself. If not you could easily end up looking like a douchebag, or even worse, like a male stripper - and not the type who strips for women.

CLOTHING
CLOTHING

HOW THE OLD SCHOOL MAN DRESSES WHEN RIDING A MOTORCYCLE

When riding a bike the old School Man dresses like he normally dresses every day. If he wears leather he will choose a simple black or dark brown leather jacket, the classic single breasted style is his choice.

He does not wear a double breasted motorcycle jacket; the Old School Man doesn’t wish to look like an extra in the Road Warrior or someone that Charles Bronson would have shot in the Seventies.

And (I shouldn’t even have to mention this) Old School Men do not wear helmets with a spike on the top, it looks retarded. Nor does he wear Harley Davidson branded clothing. The Old School Man doesn’t feel the need to brag about owing a bike, that’s not the reason why he owns a motorcycle.

The old School Man knows if he is not in a real biker club or gang then dressing like an outlaw biker is a poser thing to do – people copy the Old School Mans style, the Old School man doesn’t copy anyone.

Also, no one thinks a guy pulling into the IBM employee parking lot wearing a leather jacket with “Ride Free or Die” written on the back is a real biker gang member – what they are actually thinking is he is a douche.

FULL LEATHERS
FULL LEATHERS

FULL LEATHERS ARE, How should I say… not manly

Walking into Applebees wearing full leathers only makes you look like someone who thought he was walking into the Blue Oyster Bar. Seriously, why are you wearing full leathers for an 8 minute drive across the suburbs just to eat riblets?

Wearing full leathers is a tricky thing to do without looking extremely gay, so unless the Old School Man looks like one of the guys from ZZ TOP he doesn’t even bother trying to pull this one off for fear of getting man-raped.

cruser and sportbike
cruser and sportbike

THE MOTORCYCLE ITSELF

It doesn’t really matter if it’s a Cruiser or a Sportbike, but the Old School Man knows with each style of motorcycle comes its own etiquette.

COLOR

Solid Black, gray, forest green or silver, Period. Don’t even ask if you can choose blaze orange, yellow or purple or put stickers on it.

NOISE LEVEL

The Old School Man Says: “Don’t be one of those ass-holes who owns bike that is so loud it shakes the leaves off of trees - no one thinks you are cool"

There is an exception for this, if the old School Man is in a biker gang then owning a loud bike is fine. But I am guessing that you are not in a biker gang so keep the noise at a reasonable level.

Cruisers
Cruisers

Cruisers

These are probably the first thing that popped into your mind when I mentioned Motorcycles + the Old School Man. Back in the day the only choice an Old School Man had when choosing a cruiser was a Harley, Indian or Triumph – and in no way would he ride a Japanese motorcycle.

But these days owning a Japanese cruiser isn’t a sin like it used to be, in fact no one really cares anymore because owning a Harley has become a bit of a cliché. Besides, its not the bike that makes the Old School Man, the Old School Man makes the damn bike, dammit.

Sportbikes
Sportbikes

Sportbikes

Yes the Old School Man can own and ride a soprtbike, but he must follow a totally different set of rules than the cruiser riding Old School Man. First of all with a Sportbike there is an age limit of 45 years old, an old guy riding a sportbike looks as stupid as an old guy driving a convertible corvette.

When an Old School Man rides his Sportbike he rides it the same way he would ride a cruiser. He does not do juvenile things like popping wheelies, burning out of a 7-11 parking lot or putting 286 stickers all over it (Unless he is Tom Cruise).

The sportbike riding Old School Man does not wear loud riding leathers with orange and red stripes down the arms and a huge full color logo on the back (Again, unless he is Tom Cruise).

Dirtbikes
Dirtbikes

Dirtbikes

Unless that is you in the picture above or you are Jackie Chan then keep the dirtbikes in the dirt and not on the road.

Pocket Bikes and Mini Bikes
Pocket Bikes and Mini Bikes

Pocket Bikes and Mini Bikes

If you drive a Pocket Bike then you should just go full-on gay right now because you will never be an Old School Man.

Rambo
Rambo

In Conclusion…

If you are a man and you don’t know how to ride a motorcycle then for fucks sake dude go take a class, you are embarrassing other men.

—————————————————————————————

~James G Founder - Editor in Chief

James G is a Veteran Civilian Contractor who has worked in the Middle East and Southeast Asia for way too long. He spends his off time in Indonesia and Virginia getting drunk, shooting guns and writing poorly written articles.